A Mother’s Poop is Never Done

I’m going to let it all out there for you today. I had to poop.

Okay, okay, let me explain since I’m assuming all of you have to poop at one point or another. So here’s the scene….

It was the evening routine. Son1 was destroying playing with something and it was time to feed Son2. I set it all up. I grab the baby food. I grab the baby. I place said baby into the high chair and put a bib on the baby.

Then I have to poop. Like now.

Now, I’m unlike a man that needs 45 minutes to drop a deuce so I assess the situation and all seems safe. Baby is safe in the high chair with no food around. Son1 is destroying playing with his trucks. Ok…we’re good to go.

I go to the bathroom right off of our living room and sit down to drop the kids off at the pool. As I begin I suddenly hear a gag from the baby.

“Son2???” I shout because clearly a 9 month old will answer.

He gags again. This time with a cough.

“Son2??? Son1 what’s going on???” I panic, but what am I to do??? I’m mid turd so do I risk not being finished and flinging it everywhere…..or do I just go??
**Gag**gasp**

Ok…. Turds can fly, I need to get to him now! I run out of the bathroom with my pants around my ankles while Son1 stares with bewilderment at his crazy mother. I get Son2 out of the high chair, flip him over, and give a solid whack to dislodge whatever it was he was gagging on. He spits and seems fine. What the…..??? I put him back in his high chair and I am panic stricken as I pull up my pants.

I wash my hands and stare at Son2. He seems fine, but is chewing on something. Oh no, he’s going to gag again. I rush to him and swoop my finger in there. Nothing. He chews again. I swoop my finger in there and sure enough I find the culprit.

A grape stem.

Somehow he had found stem from the grapes Son1 had for lunch. My guess is Son1 dropped it, Son2 found it and held on to it until he could get into a seated position to taste it. This tasting session, of course, happens while I was trying to drop anchor.

I end up feeding Son2 his meal and cautiously feed him each bite. He doesn’t seem like he just scared the daylights out of me so we continue our evening as usual. The boys eating dinner, the boys playing, and me taking care of them.

I never did get to finish that poop.