The World Would Be Better In Diapers

As my oldest son enters the twilight months of his 2nd year (as in he’s over 2.5 years old) I realize that I must face the challenges that every mother faces. Potty training. I don’t believe that any mommy blog is truly complete without at least one (or multiple) posts about potty training. I also don’t believe any mommy blog is complete without full disclosure about poop.

After children there is no privacy when going to the bathroom. In fact, going to the bathroom in peace and quiet suddenly becomes a novelty. Certain things that at one point in my life were common place become a luxury. Showering in peace where I don’t have to draw trains, trucks, and Toy Story characters on the glass shower door and using the bathroom in silence are two of those things. I’m sure that this is the case for most women with children, but then men may be a different story. I have heard that certain male counterparts (ie: fathers) have been known to come home and use the bathroom for over an hour! They read their magazines, play their Nintendo DS, and they just sit and decompress (for lack of a better term).

But I digress. About two weeks ago I was playing with my son and said, “Hold on, buddy. Mommy needs to go potty” and he jumped up and said “Yeah! Potty!” Ok, that’s new, but whatever. We go into the bathroom together and he grabs his potty ring and places it on the toilet. I put him on it and go to get him some trains to play with as this is our usual routine for getting him to want to sit for periods of time. By the time I got back he said, “Go potty!” and sure enough…he had.

Now for some mothers this is a moment to rejoice, dance, and jump up and down praising the Lord. For me, it was doomsday. My child realized what the toilet was for and this meant I had to do the dreaded task of potty training. I began to fascinate, albeit briefly, how much easier our lives would be if we all lived in diapers. We start in them after we’re born, we end in them before we die….I mean that’s gotta count for something! True, it’d be disgusting and foul. Perhaps we’d be sicker as we sit in our own filth, but think about how much more efficient we would be!

Diapers would mean:

• No potty breaks during work and therefore more work done in less time
• You’ll never have to pause a movie again for a bathroom break
• You’ll never do the “potty dance” again
• You’ll never have to pull over during a road trip

and most importantly…

• No potty training anxiety for mom or child!

Regardless, we live in a world of hygiene and cleanliness. Society is at its highest level of germaphobia (almost to an unhealthy level) as it’s ever been. My son needs to be potty trained, because no matter what all the ease living in a diaper may provide for him….I still have to clean it up. We’ve continued our potty training venture and he goes a couple times a day. No pressure from me, just a “Hey, wanna sticker? If you go potty you get a sticker!” If he says no, fine…there’s always next time. I’ve never met a kid in college that wasn’t potty trained and I doubt my son will be the first. If he says yes, the kid gets cheers, phone calls to Dad and the grandparents, stickers, the “pee pee dance” (a variation of the Macarena with a little added booty shaking while you scream “You went pee pee! Yeah! You went pee pee! Yeah!”). Then we ceremoniously wave good-bye to the urine as we flush it down the toilet.  I mean, who wouldn’t want to go pee with that type of celebration?????

I’ll keep you updated about our potty training adventure, but I better sign off for now….I need a bathroom break. Unfortunately, no cheers for me…only a 3 foot shadow that will follow me and wave good-bye when I flush.

Tell us your potty training stories at Mothers’ Hideaway!